作词：Robert Hardy, Alexander Paul K Huntley, Nicholas Mccarthy

Van Tango had a mean old scene, Van Tango
Mean old scene, Van Tango
Van Tango had a mean old scene, Van Tango
Mean old scene, Van Tango
He worked night-shift at the opera
Mean old scene, Van Tango
Watching the girls go by
Girls go by, Van Tango
He's singled out tonight
Singled out, Van Tango
He's singled out every night
Singled out, Van Tango

Caretaker of the night
He's the king of the night
Caretaker of the night
He's the king of the night
Caretaker of the night
He's the king of the night
Caretaker of the night
Watch out he's the king of the night

Van Tango had a mean old scene, Van Tango
Mean old scene, Van Tango
Van Tango had a mean old scene, Van Tango
Mean old scene, Van Tango
He wore his quaff Venetian style
Venetian style, Van Tango
His fags were cheap, but with a filter
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Really cheap, Van Tango
He don't suck up to no-one tonight
Don't suck up, Van Tango
He don't suck up to no-one at all
Don't suck up, Van Tango
Van Tango, Van Tango
Van Tango, Van Tan-Tan--Tan-Tan-Tango

Caretaker of the night
He's the king of the night
Caretaker of the night
He's the king of the night
Caretaker of the night
He's the king of the night
Caretaker of the night
Watch out he's the king of the night

Van Tango, Van Tango, Van Tan-Tan--Tan-Tan-Tango
Van Tango, Van Tango, Van Tan-Tan--Tan-Tan-Tango
Van Tango, Van Tango, Van Tan-Tan--Tan-Tan-Tango
Van Tango, Van Tango, Van Tan-Tan--Tan-Tan-Tango

Caretaker of the night
He's the king of the night
Caretaker of the night
He's the king of the night
Caretaker of the night
He's the king of the night
Caretaker of the night
Watch out he's the king of the night